It's the little things.

I've recently broken up with one of my life's great loves.  Not to worry, John and I are still together.  No, the one with which I have parted-- with whom I had no idea I co-existed in such a love-hate (I loved him, he hated me) relationship is the one, the only...


gluten.


Yes, I've hopped aboard the gluten-free ship and I don't think I'll be disembarking.  I loathe fads when it comes to dietary changes.  However, after adopting a vegetarian diet, and then progressing to vegan and feeling infinitely better because of it I began to truly consider the effects of the things that enter my body.  I came across a book called "Crazy, Sexy Diet" by Kris Carr.  She is a stage 4 cancer patient who has been controlling her cancer for the past 8 years through diet specifically.  Now, she does have a rather rare and slow growing form of cancer, but it's stable and has been since she has made the changes outlined in the book.


I was already a vegan when I picked it up and thought I was doing rather well with it.  Then, she suggested going gluten free-- something at which I scoffed.  Then I read the symptoms-- (you can skip this part if you don't want too much shared information, k?)

• Gaining fat or losing weight.*
• Malnutrition and deficiency of iron.*
• Abdominal problems such swelling, pain, gastric trouble, constipation and diarrhea.*
• Joint pain.*
• Nervousness.*
• Inflammation over skin.*
• Headache and giddiness.*
• Fatigue.***
• Anger and loss of temper.***
• Irregular MC and miscarriage in women.
• Cramps and numbness.*** (specifically in my legs)

I've put stars by the challenges I'd been facing.  So, after scoffing I thought about it in more detail and I figured if I was going to follow the diet then I ought to follow it through.  It's a 21 day cleanse and its focus deals with balancing your body's natural ph.  I enjoyed reading the book and have enjoyed adopting the diet.  For me, it's something that I have continued to stick with.

Sooo... I took gluten out of my diet and noticed a HUGE difference.  Way bigger than I ever expected.  Then, this past weekend due to the move I was unable to maintain my rigid dietary requirements (and by unable I really mean lazy, ok, there I said it).  

Anyhow, my symptoms are back with a vengeance and I am convinced that gluten-free is now a permanent status for me.

Why am I rambling on about this, you ask?

Bear in mind, I have very supportive friends and family.  However, when the subject comes up they inevitably say the same thing, "I couldn't do it."

For them, giving up those prized foods is just too much to deal with.  They'd rather deal with discomfort than part with their beloved grub.  For some, they just aren't having issues-- of COURSE they're not going to give up gluten, they don't need to.  For others, and one friend in particular, she is having issues and every member of her family has some level of gluten intolerance/celiac disease.  She won't give it up though, despite numerous health issues.  She just "couldn't" do it. 

I see a parallel between this and TTWD.  A lot of people "couldn't" give up their freedom to submit to their partner.  It's so dear to them that they would rather live in their current relationship.  If those relationships are good, once again, of COURSE they wouldn't change them.  Why fix what isn't broken.

It's those that are rocky, unhappy and weak that concern me.  Is each partner's freedom, independence and autonomy so valuable that it's worth the price of a good, solid and satisfying relationship?  Is independence so precious that the bond between two people should suffer to preserve it?  

When I discovered the link to gluten I went out and armed myself with information.  I bought cookbooks (primarily raw food cookbooks which are all gluten free), I joined groups and investigated the possibilities and learned that there is a whole world of amazing food-- with VARIETY which are categorized as gluten free.  Of course, eating out can be a challenge, but we should avoid doing that anyhow and there are a LOT of restaurants which are now adopting gluten free options.

We're just rearranging things a little bit and life is so much better I don't even feel like I'm making a sacrifice.  It's not easier, but it's BETTER.

It's so easy to focus on what is lost-- whether that's gluten or a little bit of independence.  But, sometimes the gain can be infinitely better if you allow it.  Health-- personal and relational, is an amazing experience.  For me, it's worth every bit of sacrifice and then some.  I feel like I've won the lottery.  I'm HAPPY.  

And, had I not given up gluten, had I not committed to giving up some of my dearly held independence I would have continued to live a life with which I was only satisfied-- just making it through.

I'm not saying gluten or TTWD are everyone's solution.  I'm saying that if you write something off as something you "couldn't" do... without even trying you could be missing out on a wonderful thing.  

John's Great Idea

You should have seen the grin on his face.

I've been behaving, for sure.

Ruh Roh

So, John and I have been figuring things out. One thing we both know is that a TTWD relationship very much appeals to us... but spanking as discipline just hasn't seemed to fit us for a myriad of reasons.

Also, sometimes I speak without thinking.

And my mouth came up with this AWESOME idea and blurted it out without consulting my brain. Yikies, is all I can say.

Mouth: Why don't you discipline with work outs?

Brain: WTF?

John: That's a great idea!

Mouth: F*** (please excuse my language)

And there you have it. Oh well...at least I'll be hot.

Non-negotiables...

So, everyone has their own take on this sort of relationship, from solely in the bedroom to 24/7. I assume everyone has elements which make it work for them-- one person may absolutely "need" bondage, another might just need to have direction given from the D...

What are your non-negotiables? What are things in the relationship that, if removed, would take away from its' overall value?

And, when those things are included, what do they bring to the relationship?

If you are visiting/reading, I do hope you'll share. I'm thinking this over for a future post. At the moment, however, I'm in the process of packing/moving and I'd love the welcome distraction of your thoughts/opinions.

Love,

Jane

What's in a name?

I have been faithfully practicing yoga for over a year now. It's something that I began to explore and found it was one those things that once added to my life almost immediately felt like home. When you feel out of place and on the fringe in life, it is an amazing experience to have that perception flipped on its end with just a few life changes. I have finally stopped fighting those elements of myself and begun to embrace them. So what if I am a 27 year old eccentric?  At least I feel at home in my own body.  I like to think of it as endearing eccentricities-- rather than disturbing.

Anyhow, the term Pada Hastasana is a term which means something along the lines of "hands to feet pose". Marrying my love of yoga with my interest in TTWD-- it seemed like the perfect personal association for a blog when I was returning to the blogosphere.

Five

I wrote the following post on my ipad-- I am not so proficient on such things yet.  Please forgive any spelling, grammar or editing mistakes.

 Love, Jane

I wonder how to best utilize elements of this relationship.  I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to get anything out of this set up for me... I do.  I want to feel closer to my husband.  I want to feel known.  I know it sounds like it's all about what "I want."

That's not the point, but it is something to consider.  Because John and I are in the process of switching from a "traditional" relationship to an even MORE traditional relationship...with a twist-ish something or other.

If it's not obvious from that eloquent display of clarity--we are definitely still working out the kinks.  We have forgone the "what are we" question this time around.  We are focusing on what we want, and where we are going.  Maybe it isn't romantic or so exciting approach this with such pragmatism, but it is practical and in many ways necessary.

Anyhow--so it's actually important that we both know what we want to get out of this.  I am, therefore, going to write out my selfish list.

1) Order-- I think it might have been Sara who recently observed that there really just can't be two captains steering a ship.  I haven't met a person yet that I couldn't out-stubborn.   It dawned on me at some point that winning just might not be everything.  With this it puts me in a position to have to concede-- something that my pride abhors but I otherwise realize a far more valuable skill than digging my feet in to the point of immobility.

2) Accountability-- ok, ok-- I admit that I am not always so honest with myself-- especially in situations involving deadlines, to-dos or cookies.  Although I am capable of controlling myself, all added motivation is helpful and on those days when I am feeling weak, a little external expectation and accountability would be incredibly helpful.

3) Expectations and clarity:  Although John and I already have a very good relationship, one place that I think we have fallen short is in communicating our expectations of one another to one another which has led to a lack of clarity and too many misunderstandings.  Many times this has left me feeling bereft and more alone than I like.

4) Kink factor X:  I have a theory that everyone has a primary turn on.  For many people, that turn on or co-turn-on is gender.  For some, it's something entirely different.  A very good friend of mine went through a time when he "couldn't decide if he was gay or straight.". In talking to him, though, it was apparent that he was interested in taking on a particular role in each relationship, despite gender.  I would argue that for him, gender is not a primary turn on.  He does have a partner presence, but being of the other gender is not a deal a breaker if your preferred role is what he likes.  This got me thinking of myself, and my primary turn on.  I would say that being in a position of being dominated is my #1.  So, there's the honest truth, and although 24/7 might not be practical right now, I crave a relationship which permeates the vanilla aspects of our lives.

5) Breaking the mold:  I don't want to be the wife that jokes are made of.  I want my husband to be envied his partner, less for my sake and more for his.  He is a professional and an enviable relationship in private reflects very well on him in public.  I'm grateful for him and proud of him and the way a wife sees and treats her husband often has far reaching influence.  I want to be a better wife because he deserves the best and I've often allowed my personal hang ups and issues get in the way.

So, those are my top five reasons for wanting this relationship.

The male of the species and something to ponder

Conversation--

John: What are you thinking about?

Jane: Eh... a few things I read today in blogs.

John: About?

Jane: Yanno... STUFF.

John: What stuff?

Jane:  I  know I'm trying to be more honest and open (pause, shuffle shuffle) but I'm pretty sure that I'm the kinkier of the two of us and I fear that I'm significantly kinkier and then what are we going to do when you find out that I'm not just kinky... I'm, like, KINKY.

John: We'll work it out.

three days later....

(Couple clearly finishes engaging in a something or other which will not be detailed here-- but they are smiling and you have imaginations.)

Jane: That was surprising-- where did "that" come from?

John:  Well, you said you thought you were more kinky...

Jane:  I said I WORRIED that I was more kinky.

John: Yeah, well, I took it as a challenge. 

Jane:  Seriously?  I tell you  my fear and you think I'm throwing down the gauntlet?

John:  Well, I don't think you're more kinky than I am. 

Hmm...